It’s Like Riding A Bicycle

Busy weekend for once.  Normally, I just lie around in my PJs and complain that I never do anything, while turning down offers to get my ass out of the house.  Anyway…

The non-BF and I had dinner with friends on Friday night (swanky, 5-star restaurant, so I had to refrain from requesting Tabasco sauce).  Mr. Tail went to the vet on Saturday, then out to some friends’ house for a dinner at their quarterly Gourmet Club.  I ate enough fattening stuff this weekend, I really shouldn’t be eating at all this week.  Plus the cocktails!  My Booze Belly is growing.

Speaking of bellies, I found this at my parents’ house:

No.

I asked my dad if I could take it home.  “I need it for my blog.”  He told me he wanted it back.  Like it was a prized childhood book, or something.  He’s not going to be happy.

Yes.

I tried to remember what I’d write about on the old non-girlfriend, and all I could remember is a lot of ranting, some lists, and Snarky’s Word of the Day, Bitches.  To get back in the swing of things, I’ll do a list today.

21 Things About Me

  1. I quit smoking at least once a week.
  2. I exaggerate a LOT, and I love hyperboles.
  3. I’m a Checker.  It used to take me about ten minutes to get out of my house; I’ve whittled it down to five.  Progress!
  4. If the non-BF doesn’t pick up the phone in the morning when I call him, I stalk-call him until he does.  This is alternated with texts like “Why aren’t you picking up?” and “I’m sorry if I said something last night when I was drunk,” or “Are you mad at me?”  Most guys would run for the hills at the first sign of this behavior but he finds it endearing.  At least, that is what he tells me.  After he makes fun of me for doing it.
  5. When I find some article of clothing I like, I buy it in every color.  If I really like a particular color, I’ll buy two.
  6. I’m OCD and a shopaholic.
  7. Live Cams on my iPad is my current obsession.  Well, one of them.  I tracked down one while on vacation last year and screen-shotted myself waving at the cam.  I also call one guy in Switzerland that I stalk and ask him to wave at the camera.
  8. It is rare that I eat dinner, or eat after five o’clock.
  9. Nothing pisses me off more than someone telling me I can’t do something.
  10. Except people who are mean to animals, children and old people.
  11. When I was growing up, if someone called me weird, I would cry.  Now I thank them.
  12. I have 12 tattoos.  If you met me, you would never guess.  I look about as white-bread suburban as they come.
  13. I have a shrine for my two dead dogs.  It’s in my living room.  I put kibbles in Mr. Swirly’s bowl, kind of like they do for the Krishna or Buddha.
  14. My first short story was written at the age of five.  It was about a snake I found on my front porch that I turned into a belt.  Even then, I was thinking about accessories!
  15. When I am really mad, my eyes go from dark brown to black.  If you ever see that happen, watch out.
  16. Never underestimate my level of patience.  I can out-stare just about anyone.  Even a fucking cat.
  17. My shopping addiction does not end at clothes, purses, shoes and jewelry.  My freezer looks like a crazy person lives here.
  18. So do my bathroom cabinets.
  19. My favorite numbers are 5, 7, 8, 11 and 13.  I am also fond of the number 25.

I leave you with this:

This is Fritz. I stalk him on Live Cams.

5 responses

  1. God, you’re sick. And I’m SO glad I found you! Cracking up at your blog already!!!

    Gwen
    http://www.thehartleyhooligans.com

  2. I LOVE that e.e. cummings poem, btw!

    1. Me too, girl… ME TOO! Can’t wait to read more of your shit! 🙂

  3. Shit is probably the best word to describe it. Poop somehow doesn’t do it justice 🙂

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