I Need Teepee For My Bunghole

A few weeks ago, I posted about someone in my office building who kept changing the direction of the toilet paper rolls in the first floor women’s restroom…Oh It’s On!

This continued to occur on a daily basis while I was on vacation.  Yesterday, it went on all day long.  Today, I had had enough.

I had been to the restroom a bit earlier (must be all the sugar free Red Bulls I’ve been mainlining at work these days) and I had to switch the teepee back to the correct way.  Apparently I have a bladder the size of a walnut, so 20 minutes later, I’m back in the bathroom and I find this:

Evidence!

I decided to send another subtle message:

Take that, bitch!

Look at how pretty the toilet paper rolls are now.  AND they are on the holder the correct way.

I think I know who is doing it, so tomorrow, I am setting up a bathroom sting to be certain.  And I will put up a sign if I have to.  It is ridiculous that I have to deal with this shit!  Honestly, who can work productively in these conditions???

*****

You all know I lost my crazy dog, Mr. Swirly, last month.  He was my alarm clock.  [He was also the reason why I’ve aged about 10 years in the past two.  Still, I’d do it all again just to have him back (but I’d invest in better night creams and Botox).]  For the past two years, I’ve been a morning person, something that never, ever happened to me before.  He would wake me up at three or four, and I couldn’t go back to sleep because I’d be following him around, making sure he didn’t run his blind ass into a wall or fall off the bed, etc.  TWICE this week, I woke up after 7:00.  If I weren’t so easily distracted, it would take me 20 minutes – tops – to get ready. Thank God I don’t have much of a commute.

I guess I’ll have to use a real alarm clock from now on.

***

The Austerity Campaign didn’t really take off so well.  I decided to take a few more hours vacation time on Monday, so I had a Catch Up Lunch Meeting with the Office Mate and then I went back home.  At lunch that day, I had a knife-and-fork-caesar-salad along with that grit cake and shrimp.  The last time I was there (should I mention the restaurant?  because the waiter really pissed me off!), I asked for anchovies on my caesar salad.  I got like five (no, I didn’t eat them all).  This time, the waiter (different one) looked at me strangely and said that they didn’t have any anchovies.

“Liar!  THAT’S WHAT THEY USE TO MAKE REAL CAESAR DRESSING, DICKFACE!”

In reality, I said, “Oh.  Okay,” in a still, small voice.  And pouted.  And then I obsessed over no anchovies on my salad for the rest of the meal.

(This is why I shouldn’t be allowed out in public without a chaperone.)

2 responses

  1. Well you covered a mouth full here! I think the funniest part was that you pointed out you weren’t wearing undies. I never do. Well once a month I do. As for the Brandon thing I might have found him donkey punched him in the taint and ask him if you looked like a Brandon. You might have the patience of a saint.

  2. I’ve been accused of that (saintly like thing). I really don’t, not for people. For dogs, I do. Dealing with stupidity has never been one of my strong points. I could write a book about the ridiculousness of humans. But I won’t. Somehow, I think I may end up in it at some point. And that would be so sad 😦

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