Sweat, Baby Goats, Sweaty Baby Goats and Drunk Texting

I am in the Tenth Circle of HELL, also known as Dallas in the Summer.  Hot fun in the summertime?  Not much.

Evidence:

At 3:45, really???  Bitches, it’s HOT here!

I swear, I could stand outside for about 45 minutes and the Booze Belly probably wouldn’t be a problem anymore.  If I sweated fat, which I don’t.  But it is a lovely daydream.

*****

Today, I ran across an article about a jumping goat.  Given my obsession love for baby goats and goats in general, I had to read it.  Naturally, there was a video.

Buttermilk!

That’s one bouncy-ass goat!  I have watched this video maybe 30 times already (isn’t she taking a piss at one point?).  Then I learned that bouncy-ass Buttermilk has her own Facebook page.  Of course she does. Now I will be checking on her probably every day.  Because damn it, I want a fucking baby goat!

That video is almost as good as this:

Baby Monkey

But instead of buying a baby goat, I will be “fostering” a kitten [is there Goat Rescue? Adopt, don’t shop! is what I say about dogs and cats, but now I’m curious if people rescue goats, too].  And by “fostering,” I mean I will end up with the kitten because that is exactly how I ended up with Rainbow, Mr. Tail and Mr. Swirly (RIP).  My younger brother feeds this stray cat and the little slut got knocked up [I also believe in spay/neuter and went all ballistic on his ass about it, but I’ll bitch about that in another post].  She has six kittens and he has only one taker so far.  Being the softie that I am, I decided I would take one and try to find it a good home.  Asked for help naming her on Facebook, but then it hit me – Bubbles!  What a fucking awesome name for a kitten!

Being the worrier that I am, immediately I began wondering how my choice in kitten names would affect her when she grows up.  Went to The Tribunal for some advice:

It’s a legitimate question, y’all

So what do y’all think?  I could just name her Clara, but she might grow up to knit, collect knick-knacks and “Tsk, tsk!” me every time I drop a F-bomb.  I could just name her Beverly.  Except I guess that only applies to DOGS.

Note:  I have absolutely NOTHING against the names Clara and Beverly.  Those are my first and middle names.  Not really.  Oh, and I don’t have anything against knitting.  Knitting needles make excellent weapons.

*****

With no one around to chaperone my crazy fun ass last night, and because the non-BF isn’t starting his Austerity Campaign until tomorrow [bastard was all “I’m at the Flying Saucer!” knowing full well I am not drinking to try and lose weight!], I ran to the store and grabbed some Pinot Grigio.  Unfortunately, I started drinking it before the photography webinar began.  Hell, I probably needed it, since the chick moderator was driving me crazy on the first night.

Now, I give you Evidence why I should have a breathalyzer on my cell phone:

Will there be a pop quiz at the end?

[I grew up with SO much positive support!] 

You know I’m gonna have some more tomorrow.  High school would have been so much more fun had they allowed me to drink during class!

*****

And now for my DYAC of the week…

Subtlety is so not my forte

Notice he didn’t even bite?  I must be losing my sec sex appeal.  Or else he is so used to seeing “sex” in my texts to him, it doesn’t even phase him anymore.

*****

OMG y’all!!!!!!

3 responses

  1. OMG — Buttermilk is a little bitch! (though I thought I spotted junk on her at first glance?! LOL) I’m LMAO at her bounding off that poor black/white one with reckless abandon not once, but TWICE. WTF! I want her, too. 🙂 My girls both drink goat milk, so I have a valid excuse!

    I personally am sold on getting a pet mini potbelly pig, & my hubby thinks I’ve lost my fuckin’ mind. They’re soooooo cute! Check this shit out! OMFG!!!!!!!! http://wichita.ebayclassifieds.com/other-pets/salina/mini-pigs/?ad=21344074

  2. She IS the little bitch. Fame-whore. I am not sure about the junk, but don’t you know all the boys are after her now? (I also liked the goat-bouncing she did on the unsuspecting goat-from-another-mother.) Damn, I want a baby goat! Get a pig. Tell the hubby he won’t have to take care of it. Guys are easily manipulated 😉 Just kidding! Well maybe.

  3. Goat cheese is TASTY. AND (I know this: we raised pygmy goats when I was a kid, because horses, obnoxious guinea hens and a bazillion cats weren’t enough pets)…goats are FABULOUS lawn mowers.

    Be warned: they enjoy leaving little cloven hoof marks all over the tops of cars…which can be disconcerting if you’re into exorcist movies. Just sayin…

    PS: Husband would love to live near San Antonio again, but between you and Jenny I have solid “Um no, I won’t live where the fucking ROAD MELTS UNDER MY CAR” evidence. Thanks for that. :p

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