Sweat, Baby Goats, Sweaty Baby Goats and Drunk Texting

I am in the Tenth Circle of HELL, also known as Dallas in the Summer.  Hot fun in the summertime?  Not much.


At 3:45, really???  Bitches, it’s HOT here!

I swear, I could stand outside for about 45 minutes and the Booze Belly probably wouldn’t be a problem anymore.  If I sweated fat, which I don’t.  But it is a lovely daydream.


Today, I ran across an article about a jumping goat.  Given my obsession love for baby goats and goats in general, I had to read it.  Naturally, there was a video.


That’s one bouncy-ass goat!  I have watched this video maybe 30 times already (isn’t she taking a piss at one point?).  Then I learned that bouncy-ass Buttermilk has her own Facebook page.  Of course she does. Now I will be checking on her probably every day.  Because damn it, I want a fucking baby goat!

That video is almost as good as this:

Baby Monkey

But instead of buying a baby goat, I will be “fostering” a kitten [is there Goat Rescue? Adopt, don’t shop! is what I say about dogs and cats, but now I’m curious if people rescue goats, too].  And by “fostering,” I mean I will end up with the kitten because that is exactly how I ended up with Rainbow, Mr. Tail and Mr. Swirly (RIP).  My younger brother feeds this stray cat and the little slut got knocked up [I also believe in spay/neuter and went all ballistic on his ass about it, but I’ll bitch about that in another post].  She has six kittens and he has only one taker so far.  Being the softie that I am, I decided I would take one and try to find it a good home.  Asked for help naming her on Facebook, but then it hit me – Bubbles!  What a fucking awesome name for a kitten!

Being the worrier that I am, immediately I began wondering how my choice in kitten names would affect her when she grows up.  Went to The Tribunal for some advice:

It’s a legitimate question, y’all

So what do y’all think?  I could just name her Clara, but she might grow up to knit, collect knick-knacks and “Tsk, tsk!” me every time I drop a F-bomb.  I could just name her Beverly.  Except I guess that only applies to DOGS.

Note:  I have absolutely NOTHING against the names Clara and Beverly.  Those are my first and middle names.  Not really.  Oh, and I don’t have anything against knitting.  Knitting needles make excellent weapons.


With no one around to chaperone my crazy fun ass last night, and because the non-BF isn’t starting his Austerity Campaign until tomorrow [bastard was all “I’m at the Flying Saucer!” knowing full well I am not drinking to try and lose weight!], I ran to the store and grabbed some Pinot Grigio.  Unfortunately, I started drinking it before the photography webinar began.  Hell, I probably needed it, since the chick moderator was driving me crazy on the first night.

Now, I give you Evidence why I should have a breathalyzer on my cell phone:

Will there be a pop quiz at the end?

[I grew up with SO much positive support!] 

You know I’m gonna have some more tomorrow.  High school would have been so much more fun had they allowed me to drink during class!


And now for my DYAC of the week…

Subtlety is so not my forte

Notice he didn’t even bite?  I must be losing my sec sex appeal.  Or else he is so used to seeing “sex” in my texts to him, it doesn’t even phase him anymore.


OMG y’all!!!!!!

3 responses

  1. OMG — Buttermilk is a little bitch! (though I thought I spotted junk on her at first glance?! LOL) I’m LMAO at her bounding off that poor black/white one with reckless abandon not once, but TWICE. WTF! I want her, too. 🙂 My girls both drink goat milk, so I have a valid excuse!

    I personally am sold on getting a pet mini potbelly pig, & my hubby thinks I’ve lost my fuckin’ mind. They’re soooooo cute! Check this shit out! OMFG!!!!!!!! http://wichita.ebayclassifieds.com/other-pets/salina/mini-pigs/?ad=21344074

  2. She IS the little bitch. Fame-whore. I am not sure about the junk, but don’t you know all the boys are after her now? (I also liked the goat-bouncing she did on the unsuspecting goat-from-another-mother.) Damn, I want a baby goat! Get a pig. Tell the hubby he won’t have to take care of it. Guys are easily manipulated 😉 Just kidding! Well maybe.

  3. Goat cheese is TASTY. AND (I know this: we raised pygmy goats when I was a kid, because horses, obnoxious guinea hens and a bazillion cats weren’t enough pets)…goats are FABULOUS lawn mowers.

    Be warned: they enjoy leaving little cloven hoof marks all over the tops of cars…which can be disconcerting if you’re into exorcist movies. Just sayin…

    PS: Husband would love to live near San Antonio again, but between you and Jenny I have solid “Um no, I won’t live where the fucking ROAD MELTS UNDER MY CAR” evidence. Thanks for that. :p

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