“You’re The Devil!”

We went out to eat for my younger brother’s birthday today and instead of Abuelo’s (chain), Baby Bro wanted to go to On The Border (another chain).  I hate chain restaurants but I thought the lesser of two evils would be better.  However, since it was his birthday we were celebrating, he got to choose.  On The Border Of A Letdown it was.

While the waiter was very nice, the service was shitty and whoever was managing that restaurant must have been off today or else really didn’t know what they were doing.

  • Took FOREVER to get menus, and it wasn’t that busy when we were seated.
  • Ordered the Live Guacamole (they make it at the table) and queso for appetizers because yeah, we ALL needed to eat an insane amount of chips before our greasy Tex-Mex dinners.  We had to ask for plates for the appetizers (what? are we all going to eat out of the same fucking bowl?) and had to wait about 8 minutes for them to arrive – they passed our table three fucking times after we asked before we finally got the plates, while chips kept breaking off in the guac – and even though no one double-dipped (I know, I was watching), it was kinda gross being all communal like that.
  • Against my better judgment, I ordered the “new!” shrimp ceviche.  According to dictionary.com, ceviche is “an appetizer of small pieces of raw fish marinated in lime or lemon juice, often with onions, peppers, and spices.”  So I wanted to make sure it was really a shrimp cocktail (like I saw in the photo in the menu) and asked the waiter if the shrimp were cooked.  He gave me a funny look.  I asked if the shrimp were boiled and he responded, “No, they are kind of sauteed.”  I don’t know what “kind of sauteed” means but the first one he brought out had the texture of poorly cooked calimari.  I HATE rubbery food, so I told him I didn’t want it.  He offered a replacement and I told him “only if they prepare it the correct way.”  By this time, the chips/guacamole/queso were kicking in, and that rubbery unpleasantness left my appetite lacking.  Five minutes later, some chick brings me the second attempt at shrimp cocktail/or ceviche, as OTB calls it.  Worse than the one before.  I really wonder if they just rinsed off my Tabasco sauce and gave me the same shit.  Or else all of their shrimp is overcooked.  Good thing my friend and I are taking Baby Bro out for dinner tonight because I’m hungry.  Hell, I could have just bought some Doritos and Bean Dip and stayed at home.
  • I had to “borrow” some water from my mom’s glass because no one ever came by to fill up my iced tea.
  • They stationed us at a table that was in the middle of the path of every waitperson in the place.  I’m surprised I didn’t end up with a nacho in my hair.
  • The music was so loud that I couldn’t hear anyone except those two people on either side of me.  For the second time in one month, I just grinned and agreed with whatever anyone was saying, which is SO unlike me.

This isn’t Yelp!, I know, but hell, worst dining experience I have had in quite some time – I had to get that shit off my chest!  In the future, I am (ahem) “suggesting” we go to Oak Cliff instead and get some real Mexican food.

I drove myself to this feast since I had an errand to run after, so I headed off before the others left the restaurant and went to this ghetto fabulous mega beauty supply store on the way home.  On the way back out to my car, I saw this:

Classy! Some asshat drank my 40 ounce!

Then for fun, I drove by the Crazy House in my town so I could present you with this:

That really is a backyard near my house

Next stop was my parents’ house, where we had Present Time and cake (because we needed cake after all that Tex-Mex, and oh yes!, my lunch consisting of chips, queso and guacamole), but I declined because I don’t really like cake.  I knew what was coming after this…everyone would go off and take a nap.  Lightweights!  But no, they decided instead to listen to my older brother snore loudly while watching “Close Encounters” because none of us have seen that movie 100 times yet.  No fucking way I was staying for that.  Especially when my mom kept getting pissed because I was Googling “naked Adam Levine” on her laptop.  Decided to take the niece shopping so we could somehow salvage what had become of the day.  (Well, the cake and Present Time parts were good – if you like cake, and if you got presents – neither of which applied to me).

Since the birth of my niece 17 years ago, I have been waiting with baited breath for the day she would want to go shopping with me.  (I think I got mixed up with some other baby at birth because who are these people and why don’t they like to shop?)  I was so excited she wanted to go.  I’m such a girly girl and she really is starting to be one, too.  Turned out to be a good idea, since we got to chat quite a bit, and we both got presents (her a silver ring and me a Swarovski crystal bracelet, yay!).

Oh, and I introduced her to Tiffany jewelry by forcing her to go through hundreds of necklaces, pendants, bracelets and rings on the website when we got back home.  She found about 20 pieces she wanted.

Older Bro?  You’re welcome.  This is for holding me down and dropping loogies on my face when we were kids.  I’m the devil, heh heh.  Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?

5 responses

  1. In a shrimp cocktail, the shrimp are cooked through completely but then served cold. That is different than Ceviche. Ceviche is uncooked. The acid in the lime and lemon juice forces enzymatic reactions in the seafood that makes it look cooked, but it’s not. You can’t do that with anything but shrimp and some types of white fish. Now, if the server is an idiot about his menu, or what he says is true then they par cook the shrimp to make it safe to eat, as otherwise the menu might warn “you are consuming raw fish and we take no responsibility if you die”. Either way, I’d probably never go back 😛

  2. Yeah, I know, that’s why I asked him if they were boiled (but thank you for the explanation because not everyone knows that). It looked like a fucking shrimp cocktail and it was (no lemon or lime or any kind of citrus-y taste at all, just some tomatoes and three tiny cubes of avocado! Truth in advertising, OTB – don’t try to be all fancy and shovel me out some shit I know ain’t no ceviche. I really should have taken a picture of it. The shrimp looked like dead fingers or something.

    Don’t worry, I won’t be back. I didn’t even want to go there in the first place. 😉

  3. Go on ahead and forward me the best “naked Adam Levine” links, u perv. Hahahahahahahaha! I’ll fight u for him! Lol xoxo

  4. I had so many smartass comments to add during that post, until I read that you don’t like cake. And shocked horror erased all other commentary (damn, some were pretty funny to me…possibly only to me). You don’t like CAKE? Good gods, are you one of those PIE people? Or (gasp) a non-sweets person?

    Wait…that actually works perfectly for me…if we’re ever out together I can have your cake, and you can have my guacamole (I’m pretty picky about my guac).

    Never trust a resturaunt that clearly doesn’t understand the concept of ceviche…seriously.

  5. I am not a pie person (I will eat the filling in a pumpkin or coconut pie but I hate pie crusts and totally do not get it about Pie Love at all). If your mother made wedding cakes for 15+ years, you probably wouldn’t like it much, either 😉 Plus I HATE German chocolate cake (which is what he wanted). I may inhale a cupcake or two a couple times a year, but the smell of icing makes me want to vomit sometimes.

    Yep, I’m a weirdo. But in a good way. No one could ever accuse me of taking the last piece! 🙂

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