Stupid Baby Brothers, Tex-Mex, Turkey Waddles, Photo-Bombing-By-Proxy And Mosquitoes (And Other Fucking Useless Bugs)

Okay, so I totally started writing a post about all the stupid names I came up with as an alternative to Eleanor “Bubbles” Rigsby but then I had to go meet the aforementioned Really Cool Teacher friend and Baby Bro to eat some really good Tex-Mex.

[I know, I know, I’ve probably written about how I don’t really care for Tex-Mex.  I’m an anomaly – was born and raised in the DFW area (that’s Dallas/Fort Worth for those non-Texans out there, y’all), but I’ve never ever worn cowboy boots, I hate hamburgers with a passion, will pass on steak and I don’t like Tex-Mex.  And people get all incredulous when I tell them, like it’s a prerequisite to being from Texas or some such shit.]

It’s a moot point now.  We got to the little hole-in-the-wall place and although I was nervous on the way there, when I saw it, I immediately relaxed because I ate there before about four years ago and didn’t instantaneously get heartburn like I typically do after eating Tex-Mex.  We’re ordering some guac and I learn that my stupid Baby Bro promised Eleanor “Bubbles” Rigsby to someone else.  The girl even said on Facebook that she was interested in a few of them when I mentioned how attached Ellie was to me.  She is a nice girl, and I really just wanted to give BB some shit because I. Am. Not. Keeping. This. Cat.  It’s a “foster,” okay?

However, now I am royally fucked because I gave up on the name Snoop Lioness and none of the other kittens look like an Eleanor “Bubbles” Rigsby.  That little shit – my Baby Bro, not the kitten – better not expect anything more than a lump of coal this Christmas.  Motherfucker.

Of course, Really Cool Teacher Friend wanted to take a brother/sister photo and made the cardinal sin of taking it from below where we were standing.  I forgive her because she is cool as shit and she is gorgeous, thin and probably never worries about getting her photo taken.  I, on the other hand, have to angle my head just so and always tell people to hold the camera above me (not hard, I’m 5’3″) so they don’t get my turkey waddle in the picture.  So I went ahead and approved it on my timeline because really, everyone who knows me knows I have a waddle and what the fuck difference does it make anyway?  I need to stop being so vain.

*****

Speaking of photos, I had this idea once to start tagging myself in random Facebook photos I obviously wasn’t in.  It would be like photo-bombing without all the effort and silly faces.  I very well may do that tonight.  And I’m starting with the Baby Bro.

*****

My good friend “Bunny” just texted me that she had some mosquito bites and asked me to pray for her.  I’m a shitty friend.  I responded by telling her I had about 20 and that we could share ice sippy cups in the hospital.

*****

I hate bugs, all bugs.  Well, except doodle bugs.  And lady bugs.  And those green lady-bug wanna-be-bugs that I occasionally see.  I will walk outside with one of those gently cupped in my hand to set it free in the outdoors where it belongs, and where my dogs cannot get at it.  But other bugs?  UGH.  Why the fuck were bugs ever created in the first place?  What fucking purpose do they serve?    So yes, I hate bugs.  But I really, really HATE spiders.  Just killed one, in fact.  Now don’t go hating on me because I did.  It looked poisonous to me.  The big ones, the ones that eat the bugs that I hate, I leave those alone.  But the recently deceased one looked like a Black Widow.  Or a Brown Recluse.  Yes, I know they are different colors, but it was tiny and I think it was staring at me from my wall so it got the boot.  Okay, so it got the flip-flop – “boot” just sounded better.  And more final.

*****

 

God love her – the minute my first one peed on the floor, I said fuck it.  I clean up enough dog piss in real life, so I’m not about to go cleaning up after cyber humans that should have enough wherewithal to go to the fucking bathroom without me telling them to!

8 responses

  1. I hate bugs! Where did y’all go?

  2. Some place in Lewisville. Christina’s or something. Great fish tacos (not fried). Girl, I am finding all kinds of Buzzy videos I didn’t know I had!

  3. Baby Bro should give you the Eleanor!! Spray paint one of the others…;) Meet the parents style…

  4. Aw you got attached to the kitten! 🙂
    I wouldn’t worry about your waddle I’ve seen your pictures and you are darling.

  5. or just Eleanor…not sure how a “the” got there..

  6. THE Eleanor is a cool name and I will name another kitty that. I’m with you, Michelle, on the Meet The Parents type deception…How will she ever really know? Until it washes off, that is! Thanks @Melynda. But the waddle IS there. I just normally hide it very well 🙂

  7. I hate spiders. All spiders must die. And I live in the PNW where no spiders are dangerous. Except for the Hobo (thank you, ENGLAND), which is related to the Brown Recluse but not as deadly. I’d be too scared to live anywhere with deadly spiders. I’d be really OCD about making sure there weren’t any in my house. Or my clothes. Or my shoes. Once, we found a huge Hobo in the apartment, and I had my BF at the time chase after it while I stood in the only safe place – the bathtub. I told him I could not sleep knowing it was running around in the house. He chased it everywhere – under the bed, under the couch… ugh. I kept it as a pet. fed it crickets. Then let it starve to death when it built its web up to where it could escape when I opened its cage.

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