$@#@&^%(*@!, or Why The Non-BF Needs To Buy Me A Macbook Pro

My fucking laptop died today. Both keyboards (on the laptop and wireless) suddenly started typing zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz without me touching them then randomly shut down. Now I cannot use either keyboard. I think I may have a virus. Well, not ME specifically, but the stupid fucking laptop in my study. Thank you baby Jesus for the non-BF leaving his in my den. You all would have missed me terribly had I dropped out of sight until we can figure out what the hell is wrong with mine, or until I convinced him to buy me a Mac.

The non-BF and I went to look at new cars today (for him, not for me, unfortunately). Now he thinks he will wait awhile on the purchase. I’m all, “Oh, come on, just get it” since it’s not my money we are talking about. Right? P.S. Don’t ever take me shopping if you want someone to convince you NOT to buy something. We left two hours later without a car so he was buying me lunch, damn it. By the way, the salesguy directed all questions about the car to ME, not the non-BF. He said 80% of car purchases end up being the woman’s decision.

At lunch, I decided to see how successful my pouting would be and while I got a “You ARE cute,” I didn’t get a new laptop. The non-BF tells me I am too impatient and that it is probably fixable. He’s right. Seriously, it was only a science experiment anyway. The results: I really need to work on my pouting.

So I drive back home only to arrive to greet two freaked out dogs. A friend is giving me their slightly used and very firm mattress, so I moved my old mattress into the dogs’ bedroom. [Yes, my dogs have their own bedroom. I also heat up rotisserie chicken to put on top of their fucking $10-a-tiny-bag all-natural dog food.] Apparently, they don’t particularly care for their change in bedding, even though that is the same fucking bed they sleep on every night. Brats.

I really hate using his laptop keyboard, but I am afraid if I connect my wireless keyboard to his computer, the demon seed that inhabited my laptop’s body will possess his laptop as well. Then I really WILL be fucked. I think this post is taking a long time to type? Try doing it on an iPad.

While I should be happy it’s finally fucking Friday, I’m a little too depressed to get excited. I’m just bitter at the moment. It will pass. I never realized how much I’d mourn my stupid computer.

Oh yeah, spam comment today:

Hi, you used to write exceptional articles, but the last several posts have been kinda lackluster� I miss your super writing. Past couple of posts are just slightly out of track! 48059

Dear Spam Commenter, How is this for more “on track” writing: Fuck off. You picked the wrong day, dude. Love and hugs, the non-girlfriend

[I hope I didn’t fuck up by clicking on the bot’s poorly written post. It looked legit.]

UPDATED:  Oh my God, I am a fucking IDIOTIt was the keyboard batteries.  I thought I had changed them two weeks ago but it was the mouse batteries I replaced.  I feel like I did that time I was on the phone trouble-shooting my dial-up (years ago) and they asked if my phone line was plugged in.  It wasn’t, but I lied and said yes because I felt like such a jackass.  Poor tech had to stay on the phone with me for another five minutes before I told him, “It’s WORKING!”  Glad I could share my complete and total stupidity with all of you! Hahahahahahahahaha

P.S. I still want a Mac, though

UPDATED, PART TWO:  Okay, so I fixed the “typing problem.”  Now I get the Blue Screen of Death?  I still think I need a new laptop.

UPDATED, PART THREE, LAST UPDATE – I SWEAR:  Motherfucker is dead.  Back to the non-BF’s laptop.  Ugh.

One response

  1. It’s in reality a nice and helpful piece of information. I am glad that you shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: