Blogorrhea And Other Internet-Based Illnesses

Since I can’t sleep, I seem to have blogarrhea and you all are my Immodium.  Sorry in advance for this shit.

  • When I first brought Trouble’s box of ashes home, I set it up on a table and Mr. Swirly would just sit and stare at it for HOURS.  I thought that was so cool – he missed his brother.  After moving the box a few months later, I noticed Mr. Swirly would sit and stare at the same spot nothing for HOURS.  Now I know he was just crazy.
  • It’s sad because there isn’t another crazy dog here to stare at Mr. Swirly’s ashes now.  Just a dog who is afraid of his own shadow and one that cannot see.
  • Today, I drove by an old Pizza Hut that has been converted MANY times into independent restaurants.  Catfish place – four times.  Chicken place – twice.  Soul Food place – I think maybe three times.  I saw that it had one name on the marquee and a different one on the side of the building.  Painted on the window was “Now Open…For REAL.” Classy.
  • Damn the rain, or I would have taken a picture.
  • Started a discussion today with “Of course, I have an Excel spreadsheet for this.”  There really needs to be an intervention.
  • My right eye has been all crazy with allergies and tearing up for the past week.  At the end of each day, I look like Malcolm McDowell in Clockwork Orange .
  • For years, I swore the plural of “penis” was “peni” but I just now looked it up because deep down, I knew I was wrong,  I just really liked that word.  There are two plural forms of the word:  penises (so boring) and penes (pronounced pe-neez, much better).  Even so, I still prefer my made-up version.
  • P.S. You don’t want to know what ads pop up on dictionary.com when you look up that word.  “How To Get a Hard On”??  You need instructions? Sheesh!
  • It’s sometimes a little awkward when you aren’t the one to end the phone call.
  • I fell asleep in the den and woke up in the middle of the night.  Besides the sofa I am lying on, there is a love seat and a chaise lounge, plus another love seat in the next room.  The furbrats have plenty of other places to sleep, so why are they up my ass right now??
  • Manufacturers of first aid tape need to get on the ball and start making colored tape for my Probably Broken Toe.  Even though it is summer, this white shit is not coordinating with most of my outfits, damn it!
  • Since I am limiting my caffeine intake to 1-2 caffeinated drinks a day, I have to choose wisely. (The sugar free Red Bulls were making me physically ill, but I guess that happens when you drink 4-6 of them a DAY.)  One week in, I am suprisingly okay and not really that cranky.  And I only get headaches now when I exceed my limit.  Weird.
  • When I was little, my goal was to be Queen of the World.  Being older and wiser, a more realistic goal was to be Queen of My Own World.  Having accomplished that, I am wondering now where the FUCK is my tiara??
  • I also need a Court Jester…For REAL.

UPDATED:

Note to self:  Tweezing should never be done when you’ve had very little sleep and no caffeine.  I’m sure I’ll have vision in my left eye again soon.  I hope.

3 responses

  1. Sorry about your probably-broken toe. Peneez is cracking me up. Following you. Hope you can check out Snarkfest!

    Teri

  2. I want glitter first aid tape and will have some if I have to make it myself! Thanks for the follow. Looking forward to your snarkiness. XO

  3. I swear to you I thought it was peni, too! I never admitted this to anyone, of course, feeling that it was off. You crack me up 🙂

    Also, I hope the toe isn’t really broken. Take care of yourself!

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