May I Bitch For Just A Moment, Please?

Okay, so the Blog Immodium didn’t work and y’all are getting two posts today, but “a few blogposts a day keeps the doctor away.”  As well as the cops.  Kinda helps me not punch anyone in the face.

UPDATED:  Well, not really two posts in one day..I started writing this before I fell asleep after possibly subjecting myself to aerial poison.  More on that later.


I was reading comments on this post, and when I tried to respond to one, fucking blogspot made me do a captcha.  While I totally get why – it’s to protect us (“I’m a robot, I’m a robot!”), except it doesn’t protect non’s ass from some bitch in Brazil who keeps spamming my comments with shit so yeah captcha, you FAIL– but fucking HELL, can’t they make the bunched up letters and numbers a little less bunched-the-fuck-up?

Took me five captchas before my comment was published.  By that time, I was just about to say “Fuck it,” and move on.

I probably need new glasses.


I was on the phone with my mom and heard all this raucus at the back door.  Rainbow was outside and I figured he saw a doodle bug and it scared him or something.  So I open up the back door and there are fucking feathers EVERYWHERE.  Rainbow got one of the neighbor’s hens, but being smarter than your average chicken, that bitch played possum and survived.  I even got to pet it when I went to tell the neighbor it was possibly near death in their front yard.  Good chicken!  Bad Rainbow!


I think I’m switching from first aid tape to duct tape.  That first aid tape shit doesn’t stick to itself very well.  Does duct tape come in colors other than gray?


On the phone with my mom again.  I said “fuck” one too many times, I suppose, because she chastised me with “Watch your language!”  What the hell am I, twelve??


I found out the place I’m moving to next summer does not allow “farm animals.”  So no goat for me (insert sad face here) I wonder if I gave the pygmy goat a jeweled collar, dressed it in a really cute outfit and called it Trixie, they might think it would pass for a “domesticated animal?”


This waking up at 3 a.m. and falling asleep at 5 only to wake up at 6 is totally jacking up my day.   Especially now with very little caffeine..


They are spraying for West Nile virus tonight and tomorrow night.  We are basically QUARANTINED for the next eight hours.  I hope that stray kitty outside who lives under my porch is okay.


I just spent an hour outside with the fucking stray, trying to coax that bitch inside.  I count four bites and goddamnit, if I die from this shit, know I did it trying to save yet another fucking stray.  If I were to be buried, y’all could put that shit on my tombstone! Fortunately, I’m set to be cremated.  Just sprinkle my ashes on a pile of dog shit, that would make me happy.


Not really.  I want a fucking shrine, y’all.  And it better be pink.

3 responses

  1. Duct tape comes in ALL types of colors. I’ve got a 14 year old who is keeping the Duct Tape people in business. Rainbow, neon, zebra, leopard, you name it, you can buy any color or pattern of Duct tape. You could match any outfit to your Duct tape and you may even decide to CONTINUE to use it even after your toe has healed up.

    Thanks for the shout out to my Big Time Monkees blog in your blog and I agree that CAPTCHA sucks monkey balls. Glad you kept at it thought.


  2. Can you get a pygmy goat and call it a lawn mower? Because they totally are.

    Also, I’ve seen duct tape in pink leopard print, purple, blue, striped, plaid…there are a zillion variations, and they were all out at Target the other day in the Back to School section (what the FUCK do K-12 students need DUCT TAPE for anyway?? I’m disturbed.).

    Yes, I LOATHE all the “prove you’re not a robot” things for blog comments: 99% of the time I can’t read the fucking “word” portion (which isn’t actually a word: it’s a random collection of letters that all run together and I end up getting them wrong).

  3. OMG I hate Captchas!! I’ve even had to do math problems, which still aren’t as bad as those damn things. Trust me, you don’ need glasses, because I HAVE glasses and I still can’t read those damn things. And the audio? Yeah, I feel sorry for the blind. But then again, how could they type a comment in they were blind? Anyway… yes duct tape comes in other colors: Blue, Black, and Clear. That one might be an interesting choice…

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