“We accept you, one of us!”

“Gobble! Gobble!”  Only Bunny will get this shit. No way I’ll be a peacock!

*****

Had a really cool temp working for me this week while the Office Mate was on vacation.  By the second day, I realized we are a LOT alike.  We’ve had some good conversations in between all the work we’ve been doing.  Today, during a break, she and I were talking about shopping.  She asked what I liked to shop for.

Me:  Clothes, jewelry, shoes, scarves, accessories, makeup and skincare. Um, and books that I will never read.  Oh yeah, and I love to window shop rescue sites for tiny dogs.

Cool Temp:  Oh, that sounds fun!  You sound like me.  My big thing is shoes, though.

Me: Some of the shit I bought still has their prices tags on them.  It’s shameful.

Cool Temp:  I love shoes.  There was an intervention before we moved into the house we own now.  I gave away probably 30 pairs of shoes that I never even wore.  I still had the receipts in the boxes.

Me:  Why didn’t I know you then?

Me: I’m on my third closet in my house.  Well, they are smallish but still.  Makes it difficult to pick my outfits in the morning.

Cool Temp:  I’m on my fourth.  My husband made me go through those shoes and get rid of them.

Me:  So sad for you!  Hey, do you ever just go into your closet and STARE AT STUFF?  I love looking at my purchases.  It’s pretty twisted.

I’m a suck fuck, I know.  Now that I am on Forced Financial Austerity Campaign (well, I am if I want to save money to buy my Mini next year), it’s a damned shame.  I’d totally want to go shopping with her!  Where was she a couple years ago, damn it?!

*****

Speaking of the Forced Financial Austerity Campaign (or “I’m Fucked” for short), that really starts tomorrow.  (Mom, if you are reading this, NO, I did NOT go shopping, except for maybe an adult beverage.)  After the hectic week I’ve had (possible aerial poisoning, exposure to ringworm, nasty fucking spider bite right above my left boob where everyone can see it (the bite, not the boob), realization that I cannot keep up compulsive shopping if I want to get my new car, and being pretty much getting slammed at work), I need a drink.  Fuck the diet tonight.  Must be in the air because the non-BF said the exact same thing!

*****

The Cool Temp also asked me what my sign was.  No, not in a creepy-old-guy-wearing-an-open-shirt-and-gold-chain-throwback-to-the-70s-hipster-doofus kind of way.  I think she was trying to peg what my multiple-personality personality was.  Good luck with that, hon.

Me:  I’m a Pisces Queen.  I have just about every quality that is Piscean.  (Fuck, is “Piscean” even a real word?)  Except for the introverted part.  I’ll talk to anyone.  Wasn’t like that when I was younger, though. [Very obvious that I didn’t do my homework!]

Cool Temp:  Makes sense.  Pisces and Aquarius get along really well.

Found out she was born on the same day as one of my best friends was (Valentines babies!) and they both have the same first name.  If the non-BF ever read this blog and stumbled across this post, he’d ask, “What, are we girlfriends now?”  [I love Kevin Spacey and Denis Leary, and that still is one of my all-time favorite movies!]

****

On the subject of movies, another favorite is “Home For The Holidays.” I LOVE fucked-up, dysfunctional family movies, and Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Plus I really like Holly Hunter and that crazy Robert Downey, Jr.  “Go back to your own goddamned holidays!” Man, that is my childhood.

*****

I just looked up Pisces characteristics and I am nothing like them at ALL.  I still swear I was switched at birth and now I think my mom changed the date on my birth certificate.  My mom still insists, “No, you are mine,” and always with an air of resignation.

*****

Okay, well some of it fits.  But this???

“Pisces needs a dominant partner of role model in their life or they will very easily fall into a pit of self-pity and self-undoing. When they are independent and inspired by life’s events, their creativity comes shining through but they are unable to be on their own for long before they start dreaming in their imaginary world of happy people and happy endings. They need other people to keep them grounded and on the right track.”  From HERE

WTFEver.  I’m probably one of the most independent bitches you will ever meet.  That quality in and of itself ended a LOT of relationships over the years.  And the “Pisces and Business” shit?  No way.  This, however, is spot on:

“Pisces is the sign of mysticism, mystery and the spiritual unknown. Pisces live in two worlds, the real world and the spiritual or mystical world where they interpret what they see into what they want [I live in about four or five worlds, by the way]. They do this to avoid all the realities of pain and suffering in the world. They have extremes of emotions and feel both good and bad intensively. Pisces have formidable intuitive ability.”

Except that I avoid the realities of pain and suffering by being a smartass, having cocktails and going shopping.  Oh shit“I’m Fucked.”

*****

Until my late twenties, I was pretty shy and not at all comfortable talking to strangers or doing things on my own.  A then-friend forced me out of this shell and she unleashed a lion.  Now, I’ll pretty much talk to anybody and everybody, even if they don’t want me to.

[Try traveling about 25-40% of each month – that will get you over the old “I don’t wanna eat by myself” fucking self-pitying whining!]

So yeah, I visit one of my local favorite restaurants for lunch today.  I’m always happy when they seat me next to a large party because I’m nosy as hell and love to eavesdrop.  This restaurant buys one of those monthly song system things and they change up the CDs accordingly.  I’m trying to stop inhaling my food (since I almost ALWAYS wait too late to eat and my blood sugar forces me to eat like a starved person who is served a filet mignon), and I take a break from inhaling my salad to listen to the music on the CD that is being blasted into the restaurant like I am in a concert.

Had to text Bunny…

“Imaginary Liver”? Hell YEAH, I have one of those!

Apparently, I have a priblem with the Os in my keybiard.

*****

I totally have a mosquito bite on my ass cheek.  While I am waiting to succumb to this illness, I am TOTALLY ordering in some bon bons and watching Law & Order reruns while waiting to die.  Not really, you serious fucks.  I’m actually waiting to see if the fucking spider bite I have is lethal.

*****

I am so glad and so VERY blessed that my mom really overlooks all that is wrong with me and loves and accepts my “weirdness.”  P.S. She actually embraces that SHIT!

3 responses

  1. Loves. Kitten Sunday!

  2. You are one funny bitch. Seriously. And we have so much in common! I have a bitchy blog and a mosquito bite on my ass cheek too! xoxo http://www.whorrified.ca/

  3. Thanks, Marie. I already put it on the blogroll!

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