Motherfucking Mondays! I HATE Them!

“Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays.”  I swear to the baby Jesus and all that is holy, if anyone EVER says that to me, I’ll knock them upside their head with my 20 pound purse!

I give you my Bitchy Monday:

  • Wormy Kitty (as she is now called) doesn’t seem to be doing any better.  Might be because I am an idiot and wasn’t giving her the proper dosage of nasty ringworm meds the first two days.  I really need to read labels.
  • I don’t seem to be doing any better myself.  Feel like the fucking Typhoid Mary.
  • Woke up sick this morning, slept a little too late and had to go into the office wearing a ball cap because I had fugly hair from being a lazy bitch this weekend.  Also wore baggy cropped pants, a mismatched t-shirt and flip flops that didn’t even come close to pulling the “outfit” together.  I looked like a homeless person dressed me.
  • Now, don’t get all shitty about the above bullet point.  I give them beer money, remember?
  • The bandage covering my ringworm is irritating my skin (eew, that still grosses me out to say “my” and “ringworm” in the same sentence!).  Between welty skin, a fungal infection and my Lysol Arms, I’m a train wreck.
  • Was chastised by the non-BF yesterday:  “You sure do cuss a lot more these days.  It’s like your blog has taken over your real life.”  Oopsy!  Can’t have THAT happen, can we?
  • Forced Austerity Campaign has not been too much of an adjustment for me.  I didn’t opt out of my emails, but now I delete them all.  Okay, so I take a tiny peek at them and then I delete them.  Oh yeah, and I threw away my “Shit I Need To Buy” folder!  PROGRESS.
  • I know I really am overdue on a Man-Skeeter post but I’m so busy at work these days, I don’t even want to think about her when I get home.  Soon, my bitches, very, very soon.
  • Totally forgot to turn up my A/C this morning and came home to a super cold house, a shivering Wormy Kitty, two pissed off dogs and a condenser that froze up.
  • What would I do for a Klondike bar?  I don’t really like them, so yeah, probably nothing.
  • I just looked at my surrounding area and realized I have four bottles of nail polish out.  Three are pale pink with shades so insignificantly different from one another, it makes me wonder why I bought all three of them.  Oh wait, the Shopping Problem.  I fail.
  • “Forgot” to eat this weekend, except for some Cheetos, so I had two chicken biscuits and biscuits and plain gravy for breakfast, and a sandwich for lunch.  Damn, I’ve had my carb intake for all of September the last week in August.  Nothing but salad and apples for this bitch for four weeks!
  • I have to get up really early tomorrow, so I set three different alarms on my phone and I’m having my mommy call me in the morning.  I sure miss my “alarm clock dog” (Mr. Swirly).  For more reasons than that, obviously, but hell, that dog could wake the dead.
  • Going to start calling my girls The Nips.  Going braless?  “Taking The Nips on a walk.”  Breast self exam?  “It’s Jane Fonda time for The Nips.  Work it, baby!”
  • Rainbow is licking his penis (because he can), Blindie is licking her arm and Wormy Kitty is licking the crate gate.  I am surrounded by saliva.  It ain’t pretty.

4 responses

  1. So…did you change the food/alcohol austerity program for a shopping austerity program? Because seriously, cheetos do not a healthy diet make. (They do, however, make orange fingers, tongue, and streaks on furniture if you’re not careful to have someone lick all the cheese off before you touch things…I’m sure the saliva brigade can help with that.)

    You THREW AWAY your “shit I need to buy” folder? Wow lady…you’re a tougher chick than me.

  2. Your Monday sounds better than my Tuesday. Kicked boyfriend out, told him i hate him and now I am mad because he isn’t begging to come back. Motherfucking Tuesdays. I hate them. (Prognosis not looking good for Wednesday, either . . . )
    http://www.whorrified.ca/

  3. @Jess, no, I’m trying to do all of it and failing miserably on the food/alcohol side. And I really did “forget” to eat, y’all. I just love Cheetos. Yep, tossed that bitch in the trash. I still online window shop because I’m a masochist.

  4. @Marie – Wednesday is not looking good here, either. Damn Wormy Kitty woke me up jumping around and knocking shit over in her crate. I swear, that cat is practicing to kill me when she is free.

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