Tag Archives: I’m Weird In A Cool Anal-Retentive Way

Totally Random Tuesday

  • I wish for a real winter this year so all the mosquitos and other bugs will die.  I hate bugs with a passion.  All these idiots around here who hate cold weather need to shut it this year.  I’m sick of worrying that each time I take the dogs out, a West Nile Virus mosquito will get me.
  • When I kill a bug, I have to use about eight paper towels to pick its dead body up with.  Not one – no, that might mean I’d feel its crunchy, nasty, broken bug body through the paper towel.  I also have to Lysol the floor and surrounding areas (just in case some bug juice got there, too).
  • If I see a bug, I squeal like a little girl.  I know, pathetic.  I’m pretty independent but I’ve been known to call my mommy and daddy to come kill bugs for me.  I tried that with the non-BF once and he just sighed and told me he was going to bed.  My charm works most of the time, but a 30 minute drive to kill a spider?  I don’t think so.  (I will still try anyway…never hurts to ask.)
  • I don’t even know why bugs were ever created.  What fucking purpose do they serve, other than to annoy me and make my skin crawl, and to keep exterminators employed?  Maybe bugs were created on the Seventh Day, when God took a rest.  Some rebel angel thought, “Hey, let’s mess with the humans and give them this shit!”
  • Looked at the bottom of my foot just now and realized I am overdue for a pedicure even though I had one less than two weeks ago.  SO ready for fall to be here where I can switch to boots and flats and not have to worry about my crusty-ass feet!  I still shave my legs every day, even in the winter.  I’m not that gross, thank you very much!
  • No offense to those of you who don’t in the winter.  I just cannot stand to have hairy legs.  I probably could skip a day or two, though.  It takes forever for the hair to grow back on my legs.  Should really look into laser hair removal, I know.
  • Was at a dinner party this past weekend.  When we arrived, I poked the non-BF and pointed at a tall vase sitting on the floor of the host/hostess’ house.  It was about 1/3 full of wine corks.  I told the non-BF, “See?  I’m not the only one who does that!”  (I have several vases in my house with all these different wine corks in them.  They’re pretty – try it.)  The non-BF, to the hostess:  I have a friend who has his guests sign the cork and he dates them.  You know, if it is a special event.  We all agreed it was a clever way to document good drinking entertaining memories.  I thought to myself but thankfully didn’t add to the conversation that mine would all look like:  (2 corks) “9-3-12, non-GF, it was a Monday“, (4 corks) “8-31-12, non-GF, full moon”, or (3 corks) “5-15-12, non-GF, an old woman gave me a dirty look at the grocery store today.”
  • When people see my Lushy Wino Cork Vases for the first time, they always exclaim, “WOW, that’s a lot of wine you’ve had!”  I give them the Stink Eye because it’s not like I collected all of them in one month or anything.  It took me two.
  • Rainbow likes to bite his own toenails.  Yep, pretty disgusting and also quite unusual – I don’t know anyone else who has a dog that does that.  He will sit and snack on them like he is gnawing on a log of wood or something.  I tried painting Rainbow’s toenails once but he only let me get by with doing two of them.  It bugged the shit out of me that he walked around like that for a week.
  • When I go on vacation, I always pack a few workout outfits because yeah, I’m going to be more dedicated to doing that shit when I’m on vacation than I am in real life.  Dumbass.  That’s just more room for shoes!
  • At least I stopped carrying an extra suitcase for shoes.  My Vacation Suitcase (as opposed to my Work Travel Suitcase) can fit a smallish woman in it.  I know because I climbed inside to see if I could when I first got it.  Even so, I still needed an extra suitcase for my shoes.  Or so I thought.  The last vacation, I didn’t do that because I got sick of the non-BF bitching about all my luggage (that he ended up carrying, ha!).  So I thought I’d be nice and scale it down a bit.  He spent 10 minutes at the airport moving shit from my Large Enough To Stow A Dead Body bag into his small bag so I wouldn’t have to pay $100 for an over the weight limit suitcase.  He’s so sweet like that.  Next trip, hon, I promise I’ll be better!
  • When he gets a little too grumpy about it, I remind him he could be traveling with Kate Winslet on the Titanic.  That usually shuts him up.  Only because he typically won’t respond to the more absurd things I say.
  • I’m so OCD that years ago, I used to keep a Clothing Diary so I wouldn’t wear the same outfit in a month.  Once, a guy I was hanging out with found it and wrote the next day’s date in the diary, then penned “Red dress again.”  I was so pissed off at the time.  I thank God and the Clothing Fairy that I grew up because now, I’d snap a photo of that shit and post it on Facebook.  It was funny.  And yes, I was way too uptight back then.
  • I no longer keep a Clothing Diary, by the way.  The Compulsive Shopping Illness I have has kind of taken care of me ever having to worry about that again.
  • No, I don’t have a spreadsheet for my clothes.  But it’s a grand idea, thanks!

OMG, I <3 Excel!!

Per the non-BF: I’ve never seen anyone go to so much trouble to order a pizza.