Category Archives: Awkward Sexual References

Apparently, High School Reunions Are SEXY

I totally crashed my younger brother’s high school reunion last night with my best friend from high school.  Since I cannot be allowed out in public to drink by myself, she was my babysitter.

High school reunions are pretty much a kitchen pass for amateur drinkers.  You know the ones – their wives have no interest in being bored hearing stories about the good ol’ days and they “let” their husbands out for a night.  Or girls who get drunk and decide to feel you up.  No thank you, I’ve already done my breast self exam this month.  How nice of you to offer, though.

Then you get that bitch who has a hard time walking in heels when she is sober, let alone falling down drunk.  Literally.  The one who stumbles and takes a few friends out with her on the way down.

One woman was trashing her husband right in front of him.  Another guy claimed to be “very afraid” of his wife (my bestie had to pry him off of me).  It was pretty loud in the place, so I found myself nodding my head and grinning like an idiot while people were talking to me.  For all I know, they could have been saying, “I’ve been a serial killer for the last seven years” and I would have responded, “Really?  That’s great!”

We were responsible and spent the night at the bestie’s apartment.  I am dangerous to sleep with because I’ve been known to punch the non-BF in the face and arms in my sleep.  I also speak gibberish and laugh a lot, which makes total sense since I do that on a daily basis while I am awake.  I didn’t hit my best friend, though, just started doing some kind of Jane Fonda workout with my left leg and then draped it over her for a while.  I’m tons of fun at slumber parties, let me tell ya.  And her idea about a Waffle House breakfast was fabulous except that I forgot that eating bacon usually makes me throw up so, yeah, my morning ended up sucking there for a while.

It was a fun party, though, and I’d do it all again.  Just not anytime in the near future.  I have confirmation that I didn’t do anything too stupid, and I was able to keep up my reputation of being The Most Fun.  I’m just glad I didn’t think to show people how I can put both of my legs behind my head at the same.

I Am pHresh Enough, Thank You Very Much!

This ad just popped up on Facebook:

Doesn’t everyone?

Speaking of advertisements, the stupid ones (because hey, anyone who has a dog that they consider part of their family talks to it, DUH!), if I wake up at 2 a.m. one more time and try to fall asleep watching Law & Order reruns, and see this commercial 5 times in one sitting, I may have to shove sharp sticks into my eye sockets:

They left out a few more uses:

“During breaks on the porn set…RepHresh!”

“After turning a trick…RepHresh!”

“In between two consecutive dates…RepHresh!”

“After a herpes outbreak…RepHresh!”

That second woman, the curly-haired brunette, well she looked a little naughty if you ask me.  I’m thinking she really wanted to substitute my second alternative option above, but the director shot down her offer of artistic license.  “No ad-libbing, bitch!”